So I am on vacation with my husband and kids and I am having feelings of guilt because my widowed mother is not with us and I narrowed it down to the thought that I shouldn’t have fun because she is not having fun. I did some exploring and I realize I can’t control her experience of what is fun or not fun. I just want to clarify in the model is “fun” at T or an F? When self coaching I came to the conclusion that one must think thoughts to create a feeling of fun…but fun isn’t a feeling really. Excited, happy, etc are feelings that come up for me when I have a thought “I am having fun.” So I’m thinking that fun or experiencing fun is a thought. Or is it a result??

The more I think about it I can see it go in any of those places in the model. So in the terms of my mother- I can’t control her fun, because I can’t control her thoughts. But I can control my own fun. So in my intentional model I put in a new thought “I am only responsible for my own fun.” And I get F: relaxed/free instead of guilt. Is this correct coaches? I will put my two models below

Unintentional model
C: on vacation with husband and kids. Mom at home
T: I shouldn’t have fun because mom isn’t having fun
F: guilt
A: not enjoy my trip, not show up as best mom and wife
R: I’m not having fun, family not having fun….no one is having fun

Intentional model
C: on vacation with husband and kids. Mom at home
T: I am only responsible for my own fun
F: relaxed
A: enjoy the moment with my family, show up as best me I can be, plan activities I will enjoy
R: I am having fun