Having Unhelpful Thoughts About Calendar


I’ve been really scattered with my calendar and work this past week and I realized that the reason I’m practicing the thought “I’ve got to get through this”

I was working on a big project at work and kept thinking that thought maybe as a way to motivate myself. But now that the project is done, every time I see another smaller project or non-work events on my calendar, I’m still thinking the same thing.
That thought is not useful to me at all because it causes me to focus excessively on it, sometimes beat myself up for saying yes to it, beating myself up for having too much on my plate, I don’t focus on the work I have right now because I’m thinking that I’ll get through this and then work on the other things. And then it just moves the goalpost to the next thing on my calendar.

C: Events on my calendar.
T: I’ve got to get through this.
F: Drained
A: Focus excessively on all events on my calendar. Tell myself that I have to get through this thing and then I can focus, be calm, and peaceful. I beat myself up for saying yes to non-work things on the calendar such as seminars. I beat myself for having too much on my plate. I feel sorry for myself for not having an associate to help me. I don’t focus on what work I have right now because I’m thinking about getting through something else. I move the goalpost to the next thing. I don’t enjoy something as much as I can because I’m just going through the motions. I get scattered and scroll on social media to buffer away from the drained feeling.
R: I create the experience of a draining loop of getting through things with my mind. I believe that I am feeling drained because there are “so many things” on my calendar, but I am feeling drained because I am believing my thought that I have to get through each item on the calendar. My thought is the only reason that I believe that every event on my calendar is an event I need to “get through” I create the habit loop of white-knuckling through events on my calendar and believe that it is the only way to get rid of the drained feeling where the reward is completion of the event and temporary relief, but because I have not managed my mind, the thought pattern immediately returns.

I’m generating a lot of awareness with this UM, but not sure where to go through from here. Should I focus on what I want to feel instead? Should I first process the drained feeling? Thanks for your help.