Usually we are go good team. But sometimes we fight. The bad thing is, we are bad at fighting, because he always interprets my words completely wrong (makes them mean something different). And I have a hard time understanding what is going on with him. He is very stubborn and I think sometimes he acts quite childish in this kind of situation. This time was a new and very hard thing for me: he says as a “punishment” for my behavior during the fight, I am not allowed in our bed – for how long he doesn´t know yet (days or weeks).
My model is: C: He threw me out of the bedroom. T: He treats me wrong/mean. F: sad and hurt. A: cry by myself. R: distance between us, mentally and physically. I know I could change it to this maybe: C: He threw me out. T: he is hurt and doesn’t know how to react other than that. F: compassion for him. A: trying to make it up to him. R: we might solve the problem. But it seems as quite a stretch to feel compassion for him when he treats me like this. What would you recommend regarding my model?
And as a second question: if he punishes me, what can I do to show him that he doesn’t determine my behavior? Because of course I want to sleep in our bed. If I come back after he “allows” me to, I think he will have the feeling that he “won” and that he might do that again. But maybe I just have to tell him what consequences that might have. Or would that be a punishment for him?! I Am very confused right now.