I’ve always had anxiety for as long as I can remember and it manifests itself in different ways. It used to be about school, then about my job, then about a relationship etc. However, I’m proud to say I’ve really got everything pretty under control in all of those departments now so I am not having any of those normal things to have anxiety about.
SO every since then, i’ve realized that i’m developing anxiety about my health. I’ve NEVER had health anxiety before, literally to the point of I was treating my body poorly (drinking, eating habits) and not even giving it any thought. But all of a sudden I have this huge fear that I am developing cancer or that I have a brain tumor etc. I keep feeling small aches and pains, headaches, and then I turn it into that I probably have a huge health problem and I’m dying. I’ve always been in good health and I’ve never had any problems. I even ad my blood drawn over the summer and was told I was completely health (right around when this anxiety developed). That made me feel better for a little while, until I found out that a brain tumor wouldn’t show up in bloodwork. Enter my anxiety again 🙁
I feel crazy for thinking this way and I am trying to do models but nothing is helping. I am trying to avoid having to go to the doctor and get brain scans for no reason because it makes me feel nuts. And I know that I’m also really judging myself here which isn’t helping either. I’m only 24 years old and I know my body is so able and healthy, but I just can’t shake the anxiety around this. If I watch a tv show (for example I saw this young girl about my age have cancer on Ellen, and she said it started with an ache in her arm… sure enough for the next WEEK I am convinced my arm is aching and it is so debilitating). I just am not sure how to get my mind straight around this issue and I don’t want to just go to the doctor because I cannot afford to get all of these tests done.
C: i have a body
T: my body is rejecting me i’m sick
F: terrified, anxious
A: stay paralyzed by fear
R: do nothing but this consumes my thoughts all the time
C: i have a body
T: my body is able and well
i don’t actually believe this thought and so i just hear my brain telling me i’m lying by saying i’m able and well. help! 🙁