Heart tug of war this week


I feel almost juvenile posting about this here but would love your thoughts…
A man I was in a relationship with has just had a baby with another woman. We have mutual friends but I have somewhat been avoiding hearing too much detail about the circumstances as I know it makes me feel upset – via my own thoughts about it of course…;)
I had two pieces of information on the situation this week. At the start of the week, a mutual friend told me the man is about to go back to work and is looking forward to it as being with the baby full time has been challenging. My thoughts were ‘Great, he’s not that blissfully happy’. My feelings: smugness, relief, happiness.
Today another friend showed me the first photo of their baby (something I’ve been avoiding). My thoughts were: “This baby is real, she is cute, they are blissfully happy’. My feelings: sadness, jealousy, heartbreak.
Two seemingly innocent pieces of information that led to thoughts at opposite ends of the spectrum. I feel like a bad person thinking this way as I don’t wish him unhappiness so then feel guilty for the whole situation. And although I totally understand and love the model, I have felt at the mercy of these pieces of information dropped into my week whether I like it or not. Is it best to just think/feel what I do in the situation and do the models on it later?
I’m excited to start February’s daily work tomorrow and thankfully I know today’s dominant feelings were fun and happiness, but the dip caused by the photo is playing on my mind.
Thanks as always!