HELLO MR. URGE


Hi Brooke,
I’m typing what I wrote to myself this morning because maybe it can help someone else struggling with urges. I am very, very, new to learning and finding it difficult to deal with controlling my drinking. For now I am making alcohol apart of my life with the option that I may not want it in my life at all at a later time. Just typing in the few answers on the Write and Move on Worksheet is not enough for me. I need to put pen to paper and write, write, write. This is what I came up with after watching Rachael this morning and then writing about my unplanned drinking last night as my head pounds. BTW Rachael is amazing. I listened to her this morning and tonight I am going to listen to the same video again and take notes. Here is what my brain unintentionally came up with as my thoughts and pen starting to rev up!

Today my drink plan is just not to drink just because it FRIDAY!. Friday has no authority over me and urges have no authority over me.

Mrs. Urge
For now Msr. Urge will be welcome in my home and take up residence in my brain. She is staying for awhile tonight until she is tired and puts herself to bed because her job is accomplished for this evening. I have made a decision to not wash her out the door with alcohol. There is no chatter that will lead me to washing her away with alcohol because that decision was made and there is no going back on that. It’s like Brooke talks about the teenager that just has to follow the rules because though they may not think it, they need those rules and just follow them because their parents says they must. Mrs. Urge promises to return. She inflicts so much pain but I know She is here to serve a purpose and that is to help me to grow into the person I want to be.

Mrs. Urge makes me uncomfortable and I don’t like her but if I don’t let her be there my vicious cycle of thoughts, emotions, alcohol, self-loathing, will spin around and around and never end. If I do not welcome her in to sit next to me I cannot get to be the person I want to be. She is there to push me into awareness as to What are my emotions?, Why are they there?, What happened in my day to bring up these emotions? If I throw Mrs. Urge out the window or wash her away with alcohol, I know I will be back to square one of unhappiness, feeling stuck, and knowing my relationship with alcohol will just get worse. I am letting Mrs. Urge in. I am not resisting her. She is here fr a reason. I will sit close to her and listen to what she is really saying. I will know when the time has come tonight to let her leave, I will have learned from her and feel so many positive thoughts and emotions. I also know she will be visiting often. My primitive brain wants her to never come back. I can drown her in alcohol if I choose. My prefrontal human brain says, “You must let her in if you are choosing a better life.” Mrs. Urge is masked as the enemy but behind the mask she is allowing me to have that final chance of the peaceful and happy life I want. She is that blessing in disguise!

I WILL TAKE THIS JOURNEY!!