I heard the teaching in SCS regarding relationships. The idea that we can say “if you do this, I do this.”

I would like to understand how this is not an ultimatum?

If the person isn’t going to stop and they don’t want to stop, then I leave?

My experience is with my partner and another woman. This person who is supposedly my partner has put another woman in my place for a year and a half. He has even said that I’m single at times.

It has been very hurtful and painful. It seems as if he did it mostly to say “you can’t control me.” I never tried to control him. I only said that it doesn’t work for me. Every time I did that, his behavior got worse.

I just walked away.
No matter the action, I’d like help understanding this concept above and my brain.

Basically – I’m a monogamous woman. I say no to men that go to strip clubs, no to patriarchal men, men that look at magazines of women that objectify or sexualize women in any way

Let’s say he didn’t do all that – I’m somehow “supposed” to be in this relationship with him, accept him taking pictures with his face on top of another woman’s breasts? I’m not saying he’s even doing anything, but it just seems wrong to me. It seems like gaslighting to say there’s nothing wrong with it.

So obviously, there’s some detangling to do here.