Hi Brooke, this question is THE reason I found your podcast in the 1st place. I needed help with my boundaries, or so I thought. I listed to podcast #12 and I haven’t stopped listening (and I’m obviously in SCS!).
You coached me about a month ago live (thanks) and I realized that I was allowing my guilt about leaving my former spouse (or my resistance to feeling it) as a reason to not get my full 50% placement with my kids. I have since gotten my request, enduring the discomfort of that conversation, and it felt empowering to simply stay with my request for what I wanted and needed (thank you!!!).
Now, what I’m finding now, is that after years of allowing boundary violations with few requests and even less follow through, my boundaries are being tested or violated in old and new ways. I finally accepted that the requests/emails/texts etc. were not going to stop unless I started to say No a lot more often. I also, realize that I have consciously/subconsciously played the victim for which I’m trying not to use against myself and I’m WAY over- Indulgent!! I went back and listened to both your Boundary podcasts because I remembered that you’d said many of us have a problem saying “no”. I did purchase the Boundary book/workbook by Henry Cloud, which, perhaps, I need to go back to.
I’m feeling more courageous in my ability to say No, but I could use all the help/suggestions you have about it!
Thanks for all the great Podcasts and for Self-Coaching Scholars, which is helping me actually DO this stuff rather than Read about it (which I’ve done for decades…)