Good morning coaches.
I am hoping for some insight on changing the story I’ve had for years surrounding my husband and his drinking. I have become aware that my story is simply “I don’t like him when he drinks”. Through this work I have come to realize not only do I not like him when he drinks in turn I do not like myself (my behaviour) when he drinks and this is where my work is.
Even if I think these thoughts are true (he’s clinically an alcoholic, he drinks too much, alcohol is a problem for him) I realize I don’t have to hang onto them as they are not getting me the result I want nor are they changing him. My struggle is trying to find a new thought that will generate the emotion of compassion for him and his struggle and take care of myself in the process. Appreciate any tweaks in this model.
C: husband says words (most often it’s just the tone in his voice that lets me know he’s been drinking that sets me off)
T: I don’t like him when he drinks
A: avoid him, have no patience for him, get short with him if I have to talk to him, story fondle, feel sorry for myself. vent, have little or no interaction with him
R: I don’t like me when he drinks
C: husband says words
T: he is so much more than his drinking
T: He’s worthy of love and compassion not disapproval and resentment
T: He’s doing his best trying to navigate his thoughts
T: He deserves to be accepted for who an where he is
T: Sometimes I don’t enjoy being around him when he drinks
T: He’s aware of his struggle and there are times he wishes he could manage it better
A: take off the irritation goggles, see all of him and not just this one version of him, accept him where he’s at
R: I show up lovingly for both him and myself??
I’m not sure those thoughts get me to a place of compassion and appreciate your input.