Help cleaning up a model. I’m putting down all the thoughts that are competing with each other. There are multiple models in here. I’m having difficulty parsing them out and matching each thought to its own circumstance and feeling. They begin to overlap.

Overall circumstance: Feeling pressure to handle multiple areas I’m responsibie for. Lost a sense of balance with head spinning over multiple major areas I’m mostly in charge of. Haven mapped out the week and haven’t seen how to accomplish it in the minutes allotted without working 7 days a week. Feeling pressure. Image in my head is plates falling to the ground and breaking.

All thoughts, I know. I can see the path to different feelings but am getting stuck on how to parse them out into single models as they start to jumble together. Last night I had the thought, “This IS too much. It’s time to drop something because I want to. What will it be?” More thoughts about how to do this, what to drop – that’s another post after I work at it myself.

Model that sparked this post:

Unintentional with everything thrown in:
C: Awake from 2am 4:30am (again) from thoughts in head so opened computer to get some things done, now so tired I just want to sleep

T: I’m so tired. There’s too much to do. I just want to stop and take a nap. I want to drop something – I don’t know what to drop. If I take a nap I’m not going to class to fulfill my Impossible Goal. It’ll be fine once you get to class and if you don’t go you’ll regret it.

F: Anxious. Driven. Guilty (for considering taking time to sleep.) Overwhelmed.

A: Distracted. Push myself through. Indecisive about what to do. Back and forth between go, stay so time passes. Ongoing stream of unconscious lightning fast thoughts.

R: Things not done. I’m not rested. Blame situation for my feelings. Oh, the guilt for not having gone to class (an ongoing emotional result that creates a circle.)

Intentional:
C: Didn’t sleep from 2am -4am
T: Sleep is #1 in pursuing your wildly impossible goal – do it.
F: Determined, permissioned (when I accept the thought), guilty
A: Don’t go to class. Take a short bath and do SCS work in there to be as clear as possible in my head. Drink a glass of water. Get back into bed and get rest. Reinforce the thought, “Rest is #1.”
R: This afternoon be rested. Be productive after the nap and before picking up daughter so perhaps I’ll sleep better tonight. Reinforce value in taking care of my body which carries me through to my goal.

I’m now going to press SEND and then repeat “Sleep is #1” as I lie down to take that nap, might put on sound to help my head stop.