Help Getting Out of “I Don’t Know” Around Parenting


So, I know being stuck in confusion and “I don’t know” is an indulgent emotion.

I’m having a really hard time with this around parenting and not feeling like I know how to stop yelling or getting angry in certain situations.

For example, child A is always playing really rough (pulling on other people, hitting, blocking people, pushing, etc). Child A pulls on child B’s arms to try and get them to do something. Child B resists and ends up having to go to urgent care for a fractured wrist.

First off, I don’t know how to get him to stop and feel I can’t bring him out in public or around other kids. Even his cousins don’t like him being around which I feel sad about.  Secondly, the way I’m reacting in this situation is by yelling and getting really angry with him. I feel out of control about him being out of control and constantly hurting people every time I turn my back. I see my reaction as the action in my unintentional model but don’t know how else to handle this.

I would like to feel curious and compassionate for his feelings but am conflicted with how this will be effective in helping to turn around his behavior. I have tried to go into his model and I understand my anger makes things worse, but again, being compassionate isn’t working either-it may make him feel better but it doesn’t stop the behavior.

I could go on forever about this but this is basically the situation and circumstances like this continue to occur all throughout the day, every day. I know we aren’t supposed to put other people in our result line, but can’t we have a goal as a parent for our children to stop their aggressive behavior or find other outlets? I just feel stuck and lost as to what to do about the situation. Any help you can offer around this would be greatly appreciated!!