Hi Brooke,
I tried to ask this question at the Model call today, but I guess Bev wasn’t able to get to it. I have an 18 yrs. old son who, in the past couple of years, spends almost all his time at home in his room behind closed door. He rarely interact with anyone in the family. Whenever I check in on him, I’d find him lying on his bed with a laptop on his chest either with or without headphones on watching TV shows or videos. Sometimes he says he’s doing his homework. He rarely gets any exercise, and doesn’t get enough sleep because he stays up late at night. He seems very unmotivated and unfocused. He doesn’t have any passion or drive. He just barely gets by with things he needs to do. He has a girlfriend and is well-liked at school. However, I find myself constantly worried about him because of his choices and habits. I know I can’t change him, but what can I do for him as his mother? How can I help him? Here’s my thought model:
Unintentional:
C: Described above
T: He’s depressed
F: Anxious
A: I try to interact and get him to do things
R: He feels invaded and resent my trying to “control” him.
Intentional:
C: same as above
T: He needs his down time when he comes home from school and on weekends
F: Understanding
A: Leave him alone
R: Less strained relationship
I’m trying to find peace, but my intuition tells me he might need help. Should I try to get some help for him and run the risk that our relationship will be strained because he will resent my interference? My husband thinks I should just leave him alone. Would love your help sorting this out so I can feel more peace. Thank you.