Help with model regarding blame

Hi Friend,

I want to start off with a positive comment first. Since starting no sugar/flour and IF on January 3rd, I’ve lost 36 lbs. Whooooo! ( ::happy dancing around apartment:: ) I’m in shock at how easy this has been. And you’re right–with every pound I’ve lost, I’m less “Holy crap, I’ve lost so much weight” and more “Well, duh, of course I’m losing this weight, because I’m going to hit my goal weight this year, obviously.” Thank you; forever thank you.

So here is my question for which I’d like your help: I was doing this week’s homework after listening to the podcast about blame and I realize that I’m struggling with question 7. I wrote to you last month in “Ask Brooke” about my job and the “huge injustice” that I was dealt. You correctly redefined my ‘injustice’ as self-pity. Although you were 100% right, it sucked a little to hear that. It’s so much easier to assign someone else responsibility for why you feel so crappy. It sucks knowing that I only have myself to blame for it.

I also know it means that I have the power to change feeling crappy, which should feel empowering, but instead I’m struggling. Can you help with a new model? I think you’re going to tell me that I need to stop believing that my boss’ actions towards me were negative, all C’s are neutral after all, but I’m having a hard time with that.

She lied to me about my job and forced me to take a position I didn’t want (side bar: In your answer to me last month you said “you didn’t have to take that job” which I didn’t understand fully because I wasn’t given a choice about it, so I think I missed what you were trying to say.)

I’m taking your advice from last month and looking towards finding a career that DOES make me happy. I’m taking massive action towards that. I’m so PSYCHED about it actually – so thank you. But in the meantime I want to get my mind right about my current job, because it will be some time before I can quit to pursue this other career path full-time and I know I need to learn how to handle these thoughts/emotions.

I’m trying to get over thinking I was served an injustice, and tell myself that I just don’t care about her actions, but I think instead I fell into apathy about my job all together, which feels worse than anger. There is a part of me that wants to stay angry at her and not give her the satisfaction of knowing that I’m just fine doing this crappy job.

But, you’ve also taught me that my anger will only impact ME negatively and probably do nothing to her, making my whole anger exercise counterproductive. I know this anger isn’t serving me, but I struggle allowing her to see me so ‘happy’ with this crap job that she ‘bait and switched’ me into. Maybe I just need to work on believing the thought that “I don’t hate this job” but I’m not sure. Below is my first model of dumb thinking, and also a failed attempt at a second model, with the various Ts I’ve tried to use over the past few months. None of them feel 100% right. Thoughts?

C: I have a boss/job.
T: This job sucks. I hate my boss. Injustice! Deceit! My career is RUINED. The bitch ruined my career.
F: Anger. Sadness. Self-Pity. Apathy.
A: Pursue new career path but be miserable in the meantime.
R: Misery while in the pursuit of happiness.

C: I have a boss/job.
T: This is not my ideal career but I don’t care because I’m pursuing something else in the meantime, so I just need to be patient?
T: This job is great and my boss isn’t a bitch (work on believing that)?
T: I can focus on the positives and ignore the negatives, while I pursue another career in the meantime? (sort of what I’m trying to do now, but I walk a tight line between ignoring the negatives and falling into apathy, and sometimes the negatives feel too strong to ignore).

Thanks, as always for your wisdom, strength and compassion.