sorry about this, i really need help apparently

I meant to say, in the car, i had a meltdown. i felt so misunderstood. I had not done that in over two years. I screamed at the top of my lungs something like “no that is not the case- i am the one whi is disrespected here. no that is not the case”.

i got seriously triggered. i am embarrassed and lost.

should i be thinking-
C-Upset with myself for my behavior
T- sometimes, rarely now but sometimes, i get triggered, and that’s OK
T- I am human, and humans are sometimes inelegant
T-I apologize to myself and forgive myself
T-i will apologize to colleague/firend for my over the top anger (it was rage)
T-I will figure it out, its OK

C- Fixing the problem
T-I will fix this problem by sending out an apology to the two for not laying out an agenda for the meeting, and I set up the next meeting to being the accountants office, with an agenda laid out
F-relief, I learned from the mistake
A- agenda and a productive meeting
R-have a productive and fruitful meeting next time

sorry this is so long

–my biggest problem is understanding why i am a mess about this relationship. a part of me does not want to do this correctly- correct intentional behavior.

– i am not listened to
-two against one

my mother and my sister would side against me, they’d run off and do stuff without me, regardless of my thoughts or feelings– its a triangle

C- work relationship with accountant and colleague/friend
T-I should be treated with respect and listened to and am not
F-rage
A-act childish
R-not very positive outcome…

not there yet

Is it possible that my colleague/friend and accountant play off the power relationship and I feel it, I feel something there?

C-meeting with Colleague and accountant, and any similar situation where i may get triggered
T- I will come to understand myself energetically so that i can provide the best energetic outcome for myself
F- relief
A-learn about 1) how triangular relationships with people in power (my colleague/friend) impact me energetically and learn how to handle it like a bad ass 2) determine my intention for myself in these meetings and practice in advance for my own well being 3) remember to then step back and consider everyone not just me and step into my best self
R- bring the best energetic outcome for myself

C-relationships
T-although i prefer to be childlike/childish, i need to bring mature intentionality into relationships (for myself and others)
F-calm acceptance of the facts of life
A- bring awareness into relationships, do not internalize other peoples power dynamics, maintain a sense of equilibrium, balance, groundedness
R- I bring mature intentionality into relatonships

C- energy among people
T-Other peoples energy is not my problem, i do not react to other peoples energy, rather i am intentional with my own energy
F- grounded and purposeful
A-take steps to maintain my boundaries
R-intentional and grounded