Help R line and Mum

C -Mum said words to me and words to my brother – when we discussed our recollection of these words, they didn’t match.
T – Mums a liar
F – Hatred
A – thought spin on all mum’s past lies and mistruths—gossip to brother and husband about mum. Don’t feel at peace in myself. I feel disconnected from my mum. Waste energy worrying about being in a relationship with mum and judging me for hating my mum.
R -? Not sure how to find an r that matches my T? I don’t think I’m lying to myself?

I’m also struggling with the concept of let adults be adults and how to create a healthy boundary here that’s fuelled by love and not emotional manipulation.
I could say, ‘if you lie, I won’t contact you,’’ but I would be doing that to manipulate her behavior.