Help with "Being a Good Mom" Model


I just came from a 20-minute coaching session, and I want to understanding more about my model that I did.

Here is my Unintentional Model:
C– 4 yr old daughter peed on the floor again
T– I can’t handle this right now.
F– Frustrated
A– Blame her for not wanting to stop playing to go on the potty; clean-up begrudgingly; talk to myself in my head in a frustrated way; speak to her in a frustrated way
R– I feel bad about myself (and get frustrated with myself) like I’m not a good mom

During the coaching session, we discovered that I want to be a good mom, so I give away all my power to my daughter and don’t allow her to take responsibility (for example, I don’t ask her to clean up after herself as a consequence). If I do ask and she doesn’t want to, she will throw a fit. I came to realize that I am so concerned about “doing the right thing” and being a good mom, that I am not developing her independence or showing her any natural consequences (her teachers even mentioned that she needs to be more independent). Then, we discovered even further that being a “good mom” is very subjective–some parenting experts say never discipline, some say allow natural consequences, some say not to, etc. So, I read a lot about parenting, and I decided that I want to do “positive parenting,” but I don’t know exactly what that means in every situation. So, my question is what should my T line be in an Intentional Model? I know I want to be a good mom, and I am afraid not to be or to get it wrong. However, I still can’t figure out what my intentional thought should be when my 4 yr old pees on the floor.

This could be one intentional model (but still missing T line and other lines):
C–4 yr old daughter peed on the floor again
F– Like a good mom (loving/maternal)
A– ask her to clean it up, let her throw a tantrum and speak reassuringly to her that it is OK to be upset (?)
R– be a good mom/feel like a good mom (?)

Any advice would be much appreciated! Thank you!