Help with Intentional Model

Over the last 2 months my husband has made several comments about him wanting a divorce rather than continuing to work on our relationship.
2 of these times, he has given what he calls boundaries where divorce is the consequence. I think they look more like ultimatums: If you spend any money on yourself or starting a business, I will divorce you or if you don’t commit to coming back to a conversation that you ended because you were triggered within 24 hours, I’m done with this relationship.

He is always triggered when he says these things. When he’s not triggered and I try to understand why he keeps leaning towards divorce, he says he feels hopeless about me changing and feels divorce is his only option. I feel so completely insecure in the relationship now, and feel super overwhelmed and lost.

I’m afraid that I’m not taking care of myself by committing myself to a marriage with a spouse who is unsure of his commitment to me and has given me ultimatums that feel very controlling. I’m starting to see that my thoughts are really what’s creating the problem with not taking care of myself, and want to shift my thoughts to thoughts that are creating love for myself.

Can you help me create an intentional model based on feeling love for myself or maybe an action opposite of ruminating? What would that be? Maybe a mind engaged with life? I really don’t even know where to start with the thoughts.

Unintentional model:
C- Husband said words
T- I’m broken if I’m staying in a relationship with someone who isn’t fully committed to me.
F- Shame
A- I spin through doubt and questions in my mind about myself and my choices. I buffer with sex & hobbies (but not food anymore! 🙂 )
R- I act broken

Intentional Model:

C- Husband said words
F- Love for myself
A- My mind engages in positive thoughts