I’d appreciate help with this model. The result I want is to provide my friend with the best advice and support I can to help her deal with her abusive ex (hit, threatened to kill, held at gunpoint multiple times, gaslighted, and continues to tell false information to multiple parties including the guardian ad litem) in the custody process. I recognize the circumstance is neutral and I could make it neutral to me (or make it not my business), but I don’t want to not care about this, she asked for my help and I want to help her keep her daughter.
C my best friend did not respond to her ex’s custody time share emails to refute the false statements in which he claimed she agreed to take their daughter to him out of state on a particular weekend. The guardian ad litem has since expressed she is displeased with both of them, that all parties must honor their agreements and that she can award sole custody to the non-disruptive parent
T this is bad. It looks bad for her that she didn’t respond and probably helped lose her standing with the GAL who has already spent way more time communicating with her ex and not spoken with my friend in nearly 3 months
A try to fix the circumstance/undo damage/prepare better for future
R give advice but maybe overwhelming? Have trouble sleeping
T everything happened as it should. And that’s normal, I’d probably avoid responding to or interacting with him given the abuse history and his continued lies and attempts to control her and their daughter too. As soon as she realizes that not responding and refuting his claims may have looked bad, she’ll be proactive in responding to emails, coordinating visitation and correcting misinformation to avoid confusion with the guardian ad litem.
F determined and optimistic
A share basics of the model to help her manage feelings/thoughts around interactions with ex and GAL. Try to simplify info coming in from ex to just the facts. Advise that the lack of response paired with the content of her ex’s emails could have made it look like she went back on her word. Encourage her to respond and correct the misinformation but otherwise try to be agreeable and supportive of coordinating their daughter seeing her dad (she was told there was no realistic shot at sole custody without more solid proof off the abuse and risk to daughter, and so he is considered competent and they have been advised they must coparent agreeably). Encourage her to respond promptly in future, especially if he’s said something that’s not true. Note that he’s acting exactly as expected, and she knows his playbook now so she could choose to stay calm and already knows how to respond to his future actions.
R maybe help?