Help With Model – Work Assignments

I work for a company with locations in several different states, so a lot of my assignments and requests for information come via email. Often I receive no response at all from the person making the request when I answer them – even complicated assignments that take hours to complete and are outside the scope of my usual workload. Sometimes I get a response of just “thanks” when I have gone out of my way to exceed expectations. Once joining SCS I learned about the manual, and I can see now that I have a manual for how I think people “should” respond to me and how thankful they “should” be in proportion to how hard I have worked.

One of the primary reasons I joined SCS was to stop needing approval from others, and as I do the work in SCS I am realizing it is not approval as much as it is appreciation and recognition. I have done two models on this and would like some feedback about them as well as about the overall circumstance and some strategies for moving forward.

I would like to believe the intentional model (the R line is my ultimate goal I would like to achieve), but I am resisting the thought I have come up with in that model because I have a belief that I need appreciation & recognition for my hard work in order to receive raises and bonuses. I end up falling back into my accustomed way of thinking and trying to manage their responses which I know is not possible but I keep spinning over there. This way of thinking and trying to manage opinions of me has worked in the past with regards to my advancement at work over the years in my career so I am afraid to let it go. I cannot control others opinions, but I do care about how I am perceived – it feels like a circle of thoughts ….

Unintentional Model
C = I fulfill a request for someone at work and do not receive a response from them.

T = They should have expressed appreciation for my excellent work which included exceeding the scope of the request and took hours to complete.

F = Resentful

A = brood about it, be upset, complain (to my husband, not anyone at work), decide to just do the minimum requirements in the future since they obviously don’t care, dwell, procrastinate on other things that need to get done, sometimes I try harder to be even more excellent so I can get their attention, sometimes I follow up and ask if they got what they needed in order to “force” them to at least acknowledge they got it, wish for at least a simple thank you, decide they are jerks/clueless and have no idea how to manage employees

R = ultimately I continue to do excellent work for everyone even though I often feel resentful, tell myself they are probably busy, tell myself if they did not like what I did they would say something so they must have been fine with it

Intentional Model
C = I fulfill a request for someone at work and do not receive a response from them.

T = I provide excellent work because that is the type of employee I am; not for recognition or reward

F = accomplished

A = move on to the next assignment, continuing to provide excellent service and work product at all times

R = I feel confident and accomplished and independent from the good or bad opinions of others.