Hi! I’m new to scholars and have been struggling with a circumstance in my life. I’ve done various models about it. I’ve written two examples below with different feelings generated from the same thought.

C – My in-laws say disparaging/stereotyping/generalizing remarks about certain people groups around my children even though I’ve asked them to not do so.
T – My kids will be negatively affected (ie think it’s ok to think/say those things) by hearing their grandparents say racist comments.
F – Worried
A- Kindly tell the grandparents not speak like that in front of the children. Complain to my husband. Teach the kids and constantly reinforce that we don’t think/speak that way. Avoid leaving children alone with the grandparents.
R – Distance between grandparents and my children. Confused children who don’t understand why their loving grandparents would say those things.

C – My in-laws say disparaging/stereotyping/generalizing remarks about certain people groups around my children even though I’ve asked them to not do so.
T – My kids will be negatively affected (ie think it’s ok to think/say those things) by hearing their grandparents say racist comments.
F – Angry
A -Remind the grandparents not speak like that in front of the children. Complain to my husband. Teach the kids and constantly reinforce that we won’t think/speak that way. Avoid time with the inlaws.
R – Distance between me and my inlaws. Awkward interactions during family gatherings.

I know I can’t change the circumstance, but I feel a little stuck trying to find better thoughts that will help me feel less worried for my kids less and negatively towards my in laws. I want my kids to have a close relationship with their grandparents, but I also feel this need to monitor their conversations. I don’t want my children thinking that because their grandparents, whom they love and adore, think those things, that it’s ok or right. I realize that I’m making judgments about my inlaws for saying those comments. And I’ve been trying to brainstorm thoughts that would still help me love (and be more compassionate towards) my in laws despite their racist views. I would love any feedback on my models and input about a solution to the situation.
Thank you!