My mom and I have a relationship that I believe neither of us love, but I’ve come to accept it. Anyway, she just recently sent me all these long text messages where she is in emotional childhood, believing that I’m responsible for her feelings. Honestly, I don’t know what to say to her anymore. She sends me texts and tries to make me feel guilty all the time. I will attach a model from just a snippet of the conversation.

Here is the background of the conversation: she said that she was sick and I haven’t called her. She then goes on all of these guilt ramblings about the type of daughter I am and what if she dies, etc. Here are my thoughts when she says that she’s sick: My mother is “sick” literally every day of her life. There wasn’t a day in my childhood where I don’t remember her sleeping in bed when I came home from school. Physically, she wasn’t diagnosed with anything. Psychologically, she won’t go to a psychologist. Instead, she proceeds to tell everyone in the family how if they would just be a better daughter/husband/son/sister/friend, etc., then everything would be great.

When she texts me the guilt ramblings about how I’m not a good daughter and hurt her feelings because I don’t’ call her enough, what am I supposed to say that allows me to not get caught in the guilt trap and still be nice to her? I feel like I walk on eggshells, no matter what I say, she has a reason why it wasn’t nice or good enough. I feel like she’s a narcissist, but she’s never been diagnosed.

C- Mom says, “Anyway if I should pass away just know that I really did love you with all my heart and did care about you more than you will know. You don’t have a second to call and ask how your mother is? But if it was one of your friends or your in-laws you would surely have the caring and time to see how they were.” For context, I called my mother the day before she sent me this text.
T- I’ll never make her happy, and I don’t know what to say anymore.
F- discouraged
A- try to be nice and say “sorry you feel that way. I like to give people the benefit of the doubt.” Then, when she texts back a whole long thing, I ignore her text, I get upset and don’t do my work, I start having anxiety, I cry
R- I’m not happy