Here’s the model I’m currently working with:

C: My step son + wife sent my grandson to our house with a 3 week cough. They did not tell us or take him to the doctor for diagnosis. My sons got sick and my husband. The sickness (a cold) caused my husband’s Ménière’s to flair up. The flair up could last 6 weeks.

T: I’m so upset over this. Their irresponsibility in caring for their sick child/communicating to us has caused us such problems.

F: frustrated, pissed off

I haven’t taken any action on the yet as I’m trying to change my thoughts to:

This sucks but I’m glad this happened now (I’m 25 weeks pregnant) before the baby came and now we know to have firmer boundaries with them.

I’m still feeling like a victim of their actions and feeling angry when I see my husband suffering.

How can I transition to the thought I want to have without the anger?