Help With Self Coaching


My mother was diagnosed with ovarian cancer that appears to have spread already to her entire womb and even stomach.
The doctor told her her chances are slim and that she should expect a long and ugly battle (his words).

Upon finding out about that I flew from NY to Israel, where she lives, in order to be around and help her go through this journey.
Due to the corona rules, I have to stay isolated in an apartment on my own for 14 days before I will be able to see her.

So far I am here two days and we speak on the phone at least twice a day and she sinks deeper into depression, frustration and worry.
When I talk with her I try to lift her spirit and tell her to think optimistic and that everything will be alright.

I have a lot of love and compassion for her and at the same time I have worry for her and for myself.

My thoughts are:

This could be really ugly and painful for her.
She doesn’t deserve to go through this.
She already had such hardship, she should have a beautiful and peaceful ending.
I hope I will have enough compassion in me to offer her and make space for her pain.
I don’t want her to suffer.
This will be extremely painful emotional journey for me.

I then realized these thoughts clearly cause me to feel unbelievable pain and I tried to come up with other thoughts that I also believe:

It’s possible that she will recover from this.
It’s possible that she will die very quickly and with little pain.
Wanting this to be different is not useful to me.

Now, between Brooke’s recommendation to make space for the truth of the pain we are at and recognizing I am causing myself my own pain, I am not sure how to embark on this journey ahead.
How do I make space both for her and me? How do I take good care of me while I help her?

To these questions my brain answers, ‘I don’t know. Ask on SCS.’ And so I do.

Would love your help on how to coach myself on this one.