My models—
sad model:
C-seriously ill for month, didn’t get calls or visits or help from friends/family who were aware of my condition
T- I’m surprised they would not take time to just text or call and say, “how are you?”. I must not be very important to them.
F- abandoned, hurt
A- tried to keep up the relationship…texted them from time to time just asking, “how are things going for you?” and let them focus on talking about themselves and didn’t bring up my illness…or I made light of it (“sorry for dropping off the planet “).
R- may have “spurred” someone’s memory which resulted in them saying, “oh, you’ve been sick” but really did not change their actions towards me.
current model:
C- seriously ill for month, didn’t get calls or visits or help from friends/family who were aware of my condition
T- I can’t make people contact or help me …no one can do that. People will do whatever they want to do.
F- feel bad, but I think that being realistic about others and what they will do is a more mature way to see life
A- keep being who I am, caring about others, being there for them, contacting them, loving them.
R- no change in them, I don’t get the contact or help I need.
So I am guessing that either 1) I want to feel bad or 2) I need a ladder thought to get me out of self pity.
I want to see people realistically and be fine with letting them be who they are and me just being loving and caring with them, like I’ve always been, because that is who I choose to be. Because I am a caring person, it basically just surprises the heck out of me that friends/family don’t even contact me to see if I lived through my ordeal. I don’t want to make that mean that they don’t care…I want to think: “they are so busy”, “they have their own lives”…but it seems to always cycle back in my mind to “they don’t care like I thought they did”. Then I have to fight the urge to wish they’d all go to hell. They are important to me. Too bad I am not important to them.
The idea of “I’ve got my back” is great and I love the idea that “I am there for me”. Getting really sick changed the game because I couldn’t really be there for me (meet all my needs, drive myself to Dr, prepare food, etc.) when I was so sick.
Help me get unstuck. This hurts!
