I and my kids will be moving back to the place of residence where my husband is and I am trying to anticipate boundaries that I will need to have in place and consequences that I will need to follow through on.
The first one is the way that he comes home after work. He sometimes does not let me know if he is coming home early (I ask him to let me know when he will be home early) and tends to sneak into the home checking in on how the house is being run and I am startled when I realize he is standing right behind me or in a room. It is one of the C-PTSD symptoms I’ve had to work on during our separation. If he is on time, he is often in a bad mood and has a critical attitude of everything I do (the house isn’t clean enough, the kids are going crazy, there is something out of order, the dinner isn’t on time, the dinner isn’t very good, etc.)
I’m thinking my boundary could go something like this: “If you come home without notice, sneakily and/or with the expectation that the house needs to be in perfect order, then I will get dinner on the table for the family and will eat upstairs alone.” The problem I have with this consequence is that it feels punitive to me as I miss out on eating with my kids. Not sure what consequence I can have that won’t affect the entire household.
The other boundary that I would like to establish is when I have hobbies or activities that are outside of the home. He is rarely supportive of these things and sulks and tries to guilt me into staying at home with the family. And if I don’t he gives me the silent treatment.
“If you sulk and give me the silent treatment about my out of home activities, then I will …..”
I really have no idea what kind of consequence I can have about this. Is it even a boundary situation or more of a brain rewire for me? Or maybe it’s just a general boundary for any time he sulks or gives me the silent treatment?