Help with stepkids

My 3 stepkids are visiting my husband and I this month. I have so much fun when the kids, my husband, and I can all spend time together; however, there are nights when I need to watch the kids by myself because my husband is a physician and works evenings sometimes. I find myself dreading these nights because the kids don’t listen to me and I’m driving myself crazy over it. I realize that I have a manual for the kids: “they should listen to me because I’m the adult in charge.” In doing a model, I also realize that I believe that when kids don’t listen to something I say, I think: they don’t respect me, which makes me feel anger and shame, which leads to me yelling or getting upset with them, which is resulting in a strained relationship. In trying to do my intentional model, I know how I want to feel (calm) so I can set an appropriate boundary with love and have a better relationship with the kids, but my mind is blank when I try to think of the thought to get me there. Do you have any thoughts to jump start my intentional model?

Thank you!