Help with thoughts that create a feeling of shame. Unsure of a new thought.


Hi coaches! As I’ve been exploring my thoughts this month (which has been very helpful), I’ve identified a series of thoughts about things my father said to me as I was growing up that led me to feel ashamed about how I looked. As an adult, I would like to reframe these thoughts but there are some circumstances that I am struggling to have different thoughts about. For example, there is one instance where he said “you have less overhang” in front of a stranger when I’d lost a few pounds. That is the nobody can argue with it C line. My thought was “my father thinks I am fat and ugly”. I suppose a ladder thought could be “my father is proud of me for having less fat” but that still feels horrible and I still feel ashamed. There are other instances from when I was a young adult and teenager where there were things said that created the thoughts “my weight is a problem. how I look is a problem. how I look is more important than all of my other accomplishments”. I believe this is part of what holds me back in dating, even though I look (in my opinion) great now. I have lost a lot of the weight and even lost another 10 pounds recently (25 more to go to my “omg” goal). I keep taking the action of, when I meet someone that I like, acting insecure and afraid and that leads to the result of them breaking up with me. I really want a serious relationship. Please help me parse this out. Shame feels terrible in my body. I can feel it, but I would like to offer new thoughts to feel empowered, confident and worthy. Thank you!