help with thoughts

Issues with husband
I was widowed after 22 years of marriage, my husband committed suicide 10/14/14. He and I had a daughter together she is now 24. He had previously had twins that are now 27, and they are still very much in my life. I remarried on 9/8/18 to a wonderful man. I know I baby (financially) my kids a little more now, after what all we’ve been through. Any way, we were on family vacation for Christmas and we were all out to dinner and I picked up the tab (which I do 99% of the time, because I want to!) Immediately my husband’s demeanor changed. He would barely talk to us the rest of the day. I knew exactly his issue because we have talked about it multiple times. But I did ask if he wanted to discuss it and he said no I don’t want any drama. I said don’t you think you are creating enough drama by acting the way you are? (withdrawn wont talk, wont even answer questions). All my kids kept asking what’s wrong with him. I just kept saying I have no idea, of course with attitude. I kept telling myself how is he going to let this ruin his day. I stewed over it for about 4 hours. I was pissed. I was like he is ruining my vacation. A-ha!!!!! What…. I was doing the exact same thing I was complaining he was doing. I was letting his actions effect my thoughts enough to ruin my day. I didn’t really know how to get out of the thoughts I was thinking I was very upset he was acting that way, but I was able to tell myself that he’s not ruining my vacation, my thoughts are! We were with all of our family so I wasn’t able to do models, which is why I think I couldn’t really change the thoughts I was having because I really didn’t know exactly what they were. But I think this is what it would have looked like.

C: Family Dinner on Vacation
T: My husband is ruining our vacation
F: Anger, Withdrawn
A: bitch and complain that he’s ruining my vacation, act pissy toward everyone
R: Vacation ruined
C: Family Dinner on Vacation
T: Hubby is pissed I bought dinner, and that is ok.
F: (I still can’t see a positive feeling here because I am still upset that he’s upset) Maybe if I can just feel content???
A: Stay in the moment, enjoy conversations with the family.
R: Enjoy vacation with the family

My husband has such a manual for my kids, which I did with his son as well, but since starting scholars in December I have almost 100% burned that manual and we have such a great relationship now (my step son and I). I know my husband has no idea what a manual even is, but I am just so sick of him bitching to me about my kids and how they act, (of course I did this about his kid before). How do I get past it? What do I think, to not get upset about this?