This morning I met with my personal trainer, who had been away for 6 weeks. In the first few minutes of the sessions, he made a teasing comment inquiring/implying I had likely put on weight while he was away. (Not relevant, but: I actually lost a bit of weight instead and I’m in top shape.)

I think the comment was inappropriate and in another stage of my emotional life it would have upset me, but instead my mind went straight to the model that I think was leading to his action:

Trainer’s C I have been away for 6 weeks.
Trainer’s T My clients have done fine while I was away and I don’t actually make a difference in their fitness.
Trainer’s F Insecure.
Trainer’s A Make inappropriate comment implying client has put on weight while he was away.
Trainer’s R Weaken relationship of trust with client.

Doing this model in my mind allowed me to detach from his comment (not about me at all) and I was able to focus instead on the thoughts: I know my own fitness level better than anyone else AND My personal trainer has issues of insecurity and it doesn’t bother me.

I don’t think I’ve heard you mention using the model to understand other people’s behavior, and I wonder what you think about it. Is it getting too caught up in the other person’s thinking when he is fully responsible for it, or do you think it’s a good tool if it allows me to keep my cool? (Side note: was I inadvertently life coaching my fitness coach? :D)