My brother is an alcoholic/drug addict who is currently living in a sober living house near me. He keeps asking me for rides to and from his outpatient treatment, AA meetings, job interviews, etc. My husband gets very upset when this happens. He says it’s up to me if I want to help my brother or not, but I know he doesn’t want me to. He thinks my brother isn’t going to really change permanently until he has to do things for himself. I actually agree with him. Even though on the surface it looks like progress, this is about the 10th time he’s gone through drug rehab and he always relapses. We had a counselor tell us we were literally “loving him to death” by helping him so much.

I’m stuck because I WANT to help my brother. I want to have hope that this time will be different. But I’m concerned about the happiness in my own home and know my husband feels very strongly that I shouldn’t help him.

I try asking what would LOVE do, and it feels like love would give him rides. But I can also make an argument that the loving choice would be to let him figure things out on his own.

What are your thoughts? And how do I make the right choice?