High school friends

High school friends want to get together. Graduated 40 years ago I’ve seen them a couple of times, but usually try to avoid them. Experienced something in high school that resulted in a lot of shame and embarrassment for me including them finding out from another friend. Feels like it changed the course of my life or I should say I let it change. Feel like I’ve been hiding and avoiding situation ever since. I want to forget that time in my life and feel like when I see them it brings up embarrassment for me. Part of me wants to connect with them and have fun and the other part of me wants to run.