? History Interferes With Todays Actions


I have a complex family of origin history that includes allegations of abuse, siblings taking sides, siblings refusing to speak to each other for 7+ years, ya know the usual. Lol. So right now my mom is 93 and at the point of tipping between staying in her home alone or going into assisted care. A time when we as kids need to all help and give input. My eldest brother is a doctor and calls the shots because he is closest to her 2 miles versus the rest of us being each in a different state). I feel that as a home care OT I have great perspective as does my other sister who is an MSW. Unfortunately the 2 of us are the ones who raised the abuse issues and set boundaries with our kids never being alone in the care of our parents which broke their hearts and made the family take sides and divide in a sad way. I am the peace maker and am the one sibling who is still in communication with both sides of the divide. I can’t figure out how to put this in a model. Do I let my brother take control? Do I have a right to offer input as a child who broke my parents hearts? Am I a fake? I want what is best for my mom but also am trying to keep everyone happy with me which is ridiculous because they already have their opinions. I am trying to look at everyone’s behavior including my own with compassion. I do not know how to make a model but my mind has been spinning on it especially at night so I can’t sleep. Any ideas? My coaching call just ended but unfortunately we didn’t get too far because it took too long to explain. I do know from the call that I need to realize any action I take or thoughts I have are being generated by this history but still no clarity on making a model to work through it.