Hi Coaches,
I realize that I am holding on to a story and a manual about my husband that is not serving me. In a coaching session today I identified that if I was letting go, I would probably have to deal with emotions I am not ready to face. I have worked on unintentional models. And I just spin there. I do not believe any of the intentional models yet and I would love your help with this story. How can I let go of the strong belief that my husband and I will never be compatible sexually and that I need to find sex outside the marriage or break the marriage?

C: relationship with husband: 13 years of marriage
T: He is great but he is not the right man for me.
F: tormented
A: blame, ruminate live in the imagination, not creating connexion, focusing on all the things that do not go well, move away from him, find comfort with other men, I am not showing up as the woman I would like to be, play victim, judge myself, hold on to my story and hold on to my manual, argue with him, argue with myself, do not take responsibility for my emotions, stuck in indecision: do I want this or do I want out? Do not focus on all the things that I love about him,
R: I am not showing as the person I want to be in this marriage

C: relationship with A: 13 years of marriage
T: I am not showing up as the woman I want to be in this marriage
F: Appalled
A: I blame myself, I beat myself up, I tell myself all this is my fault, I buffer, I hide, I do not do anything to find solutions, I escape with another man
R: I move out of the marriage

C: relationship with A: 13 years of marriage
T: I do not believe we will ever be able to find an intimacy that is satisfying
F: despair
A: Look for intimacy outside, neglect him, disconnect from him, live in my imagination, deprive me from any intimacy
R: Creating no intimacy

C:relationship with A: 13 years of marriage
T: It’s too hard to build something that is not natural between two people
F: self- pity
A: look at the past to define what is possible, disconnect, do not invest in the relationship, go with other men
R: I prove it is not possible