Holding space for my mother

I have been working on my thoughts about my mother for a few years. It makes sense that I should hold space for her to be whomever she is. Sometimes I still feel like I am making excuses for her. The other day we were talking on the phone, she said words and I felt myself immediately go defensive. I was able to interrupt that model and remind myself to hold space. It’s a strategy I came up with when I feel offended. I was able to sit and listen, while not indulging in offense. While I was proud of my strategy and how well it worked , I still found my self labeling her behavior.

“It’s interesting that She always has to turn others problems into her story.”

“It must be hard to always feel like you have to control others and be pissed when they don’t comply.”

“She’s just not a person I want to be around much when she does those things”

After I realized that I was still judging her I see work to be done. While I wasn’t offended by her words and I didn’t spin into indulgent action, I did judge.

Can we really get to a place where we love someone but don’t like the  way behave?  Can I decide to not like what she says but still hold space?