Thanksgiving is just around the corner and our family is making our 12 hour drive up to NY and NJ as we do every year. I mentioned before that my two sisters and I have not spoken since they took my mother to Ireland. I’ve resolved my negative thoughts about the issue with your help and using many models. Thank you. I’ve also been able to manage my thoughts while speaking to my mom and felt very empowered that I allowed myself to be in control of my thoughts. My parents are divorced and I explained to my mom that we will be visiting my father and father-in-law for TG but would love to have her come down to NC to spend Christmas with us. She still can’t commit to the invitation which is fine but I’m feeling a tweak of guilt for not trying to make a quick stop to visit her. My mom also keeps asking me if my sisters have called me and I told her “No” and she keeps telling me “well they said they would call you”. I already left 2 messages with them and they still have not called me back. I have mixed emotions about this and I think I’m indulging in a few unwanted feelings like over-desires, i.e. drinking too much, feeling resentful and feeling like the victim. I know I should not allow my sisters to control my thoughts or give them the power to ruin the TG but as the days get closer to heading up north, I feel like I’m becoming weak in managing my thoughts. One model for my sisters not calling back is:
C- Communication with Sister
T- It’s hard for them to handle “difficult conversations”. Don’t take it personally. They will call when they are ready.
F-“Mellow?” not really sure how I feel about this thought….
A- Accept decision
R- The conflict will work its way out.
I’m determined to have a relaxing, smooth, carefree mini get away with my husband and 3 teens, spending time in NYC, etc. but the back part of my brain, seems to slowly dominate my thoughts. How do I make sure I’m using my pre frontal cortex to think logically and be consistent. You mentioned once before that I may be using “anger” as buffering. Should I just keep modeling throughout our week. Should I just allow for the wanted feeling of being “hurt” and then let it go? I’m not sure how to do that. Looking forward to your pearls of wisdom. 🙂
FYI… LOVED your podcast on “how to have difficult conversations”. Going to be reviewing that one with the hubby on our 12 hour drive. Thanks 🙂