Honest with myself about feeling left behind

Hi Brooke,
So I just had a realisation whilst lying in my bed. I am 34 years old and I am increasingly growing into myself and knowing my bad-assdom. I have had a bit of a different outcome of my life than I expected and most days I am so incredibly grateful for this. Sometimes, like today, I realise however that I also carry a lot of fear and comparison to others about where I’m at. Most of my friends are married or in long term relationships and there’s a baby boom that seems to be growing and growing. One of my closest friends is about to give birth and Ive realised that I am absolutely terrified of being left behind as everyone is starting to have kids and settle down. I have been using the fact that most of my closest friends dont have kids yet as a way to make myself feel better but this leaves me in a perpetual state of fear that they’ll get pregnant too which is not very empowering.

When I think of everyone having kids but not me I just feel so incredibly scared and alone. I am single and not in a position health-wise to have a child at the moment- I dont know how I feel about having kids because I’ve been working so hard on getting healthy for so many years that it hasn’t felt like an option. I always thought that by the time I was in my mid 30s I’d be healthy and well. I am edging ever-closer to regaining my health, it’s just taking longer than I had expected and- its like a reality has hit me and I’m feeling alone and freaked out by a future of feeling like I’m stuck in the past when everyone else has moved on. Would really appreciate any words or advice you might on this- I’m feeling pretty stuck.

Thank you so much!

Big love, Maria