Honouring needs

I had a great 10 min call with one of the coaches a few weeks ago but I feel like I’m reverting back to old patterns of thinking and would like some help with laddering thoughts.
I live in a shared house and we pay for a cleaner but my housemate is pretty untidy and immediately after the cleaner has been, the house looks like a tip again. She’s a friend and we had a falling out last year so I am nervous of speaking to her and this happening again. On my call, the coach (apologies, I forget her name but she was amazing) said that I’m trying to control her response which I can’t do but that I am entitled to put in place a boundary and talk with respect e.g. I won’t pay for cleaner if it keeps happening. I suppose this confounded me a little as was thinking I should just reconcile her actions in my mind (I can’t expect her to be tidy) yet this was bringing up a lot of resentment for me. I suppose this is a two fold question – is it ok to communicate honestly if someone’s behaviour is disruptive somehow or should this be managed internally?

Thinking it through, I think it stems back to an outdated belief that I shouldn’t upset people and that my needs aren’t as important which then causes me to try and stifle emotion rather than processing it and being honest with myself. Any thoughts on this would be really appreciated. Thanks.