hope


hi there
so i have this pattern that i don’t believe of fix myself on things so if i don’t get it i won’t get dissapointed.
it always has been like this when i had a test i never told myself or others which grade i think i would have so if it would be good i would be happy but if i would say i think i had a good grade but then it would be a bad grade. it would be emberassing and dissapointing.
now i find myself doing the same thing with the appartment we applied for.

we applied for an appartment. at first i was energetic, ambitious and totally conviced we are gonna get it.
then things got complicated and i wanted to give up but my bf didn’t. either way we didn’t get the appartment
now we have found another one. also really good price, modern etc.
BUT i’m not going to invest time looking at that place and thinking a lot about it because i will be dreaming how i would decorate it etc.. and then when i wouldn’t get it it would be so hard.

so i know now that these are all my thoughts.
but what thoughts could i think to go fully in and believe in something and dream about it but then still be ok if it didn’t work out???
either i go fully in and then i get dissapointed and sad or i distance myself from the beginning so it won’t be that hard if i don’t get it.
thanks for your help!