Hoping the “ding” on my phone is a text from my ex…


My boyfriend recently expressed he just wants to be friends. Since then, for the past two weeks I have received one text message from him.

C: I hear the ”ding” on my phone that I have just received a text.

T: PLEASE LET IT BE JOHN (my ex).

F: Rejected. (It is someone else)

A: Ruminate on how many days it’s been since he has reached out. Think if it’s too soon to write him (again). Make it mean that I am not good enough and that’s why he ended things. I miss him and wish he would call. I am not present where I am. I don’t enjoy time with friends, family, or myself because I wish I was with him instead. I wish he wanted to be with me. I discount the messages I am receiving from friends to make plans. I only want to make plans with him. I keep my calendar open in case he will call to make a plan with me. I wait to confirm plans with work, in case he would like to meet up.

R: The “ding” on my phone becomes a signal for me to reject myself, and practice wallowing in feelings of rejection and strengthen the belief that I am not good enough.

When I hear the ring on my phone my reaction is so instant to hope it is him. Then the feelings of disappointment and unworthiness when it isn’t. How can I change my reaction to when I receive a text message when it happens so fast, and so intensely? I want to change it because it feels awful and I lose myself in it.