How can I change my thought to love my husband

Recurring thought: “I’m not in love with my husband.” I’m confused about this because I know now a thought creates a feeling and I’m unsure if this is just a thought I’ve been telling myself. This T has been with me since I met him. On my wedding day the same thought, I didn’t see how I could call off the wedding with all those people there, so 23 years later I’m still having this thought. Now that I’m doing this work I am so torn between working on this marriage or leaving because I know a thought creates your feelings. I am angry for lying to myself all this time but I’m not trusting myself at the same time to know what to do.

My model:

C- husband
T- I’m not in love with him
F- heavy
A- self destruct, buffer, pretend, lie, ignore, stuff down my feelings
R- I’m not loving myself.

He is a wonderful husband and father and he deserves to be loved the way he loves me . I guess I just wanted to hear your perspective on this because I am scared. Thank you.