How can I feel ok if I show up to a family gathering regardless of who might be upset?

My sister made the statement to me “I’m distant because of your spouse. I will not do any family dinners or anything if he is around. So yes, I keep very distant and will. I just choose not to be around him.”

I’m trying to process this since she has mentioned this to family as well so I have the thoughts that if I go to a family dinner with my family (husband and kids) then I am selfish, or my family will see me as selfish or judge me or see it as my fault if she leaves or will even choose her over me and ask me not to come.

I know it’s something I have to work through – right now I blame my sister and judge her but I know that’s just hurting me … trying to see how to process and what I can feel good about regarding family gatherings. I don’t want to have to skip and have my kids miss them but I also don’t want people to feel bad or angry with me if I come and bring someone that will knowingly cause my sister to leave is my fault. I’m trying to not be confused and find a way to process and move forward.