How can I tell if I’m allowing or resisting Anxiety?


How can I know if I’m allowing anxiety? If I observe and think I’m allowing a negative emotion all day but then feel exhausted by the end of the day and start buffering, does this mean I’ve been resisting the emotion?

I felt anxious mid morning at home and observed it. I had an event at the park which made me think more anxious thoughts. I was so uncomfortable, I did want relief so I went home (changing circumstance). I continued to feel anxious through out the day in waves sometimes attached to a clear thought, other times just as a sensation in my body. By dinner time, I felt the urge to drink to have a break from the anxiety. T: “I just want to relax from a long day with the kids”

I drank with dinner (unplanned) and then went out for another 2 glasses of wine with my husband. I was aware I was buffering!

C: Sitting at park after Levi (2years old) ran into parking lot towards moving cars
T: Levi’s going to run away / get hurt
F: anxious
A: short with kids, tried observing anxiety, judged myself for feeling anxious, fought with my daughter Emilia (5years old), hovering over Levi, yelling at them to stop running away, left park to relieve anxiety, drank wine without planning it, over drank on date later that night, complained to husband to validate anxiety (?)
R: My anxiety is hurting myself & relationship with kids (?)

Thank you!