How do I genuinely accept my husband as he is?


I am married thirty years to a lovely man with many good qualities.  That being said, he is painfully uncomfortable expressing intimate thoughts and feelings with words.  He is also not comfortable expressing his intimate needs (sexual), nor does he seem genuinely curious about my thoughts and feelings.  I feel achingly alone and very out of touch with my womanliness being married to him.

After many years of trying to change him, get him to pay attention to what I need, etc., I now understand and believe I must accept him as he is, as the other doesn’t work.  But I am struggling badly.  I am tortured by not having my needs met. He is aware of this and agrees that he is this way, though he says he tries.  I see it a bit differently like I must hit an angry or depressed wall and then he gives what feels like crisis love, meaning it requires me to blow first.

I want out of this pattern. What steps can I take to genuinely accept that my spouse won’t change and shift my focus to more promising sources that meet my needs for emotional connection?  I am not talking about having an affair.  I’m talking about constructing a life I find satisfying while being married to this man.  I feel deeply hungry and lonely for connections I have failed to find within my marriage.