How do I trust again?


At the beginning of my relationship with my husband he betrayed my trust by talking to another woman behind my back. He has done everything I’ve asked since including being extremely transparent with any and all interactions with women, allowing me access to his phone, text messages, etc. But I still find myself doubting him and not trusting him, especially when it comes to his use of his phone. WHen I see him on his phone I get anxious, insecure, and have often caused arguments. Even after he shows me what he’s doing, I don’t feel any better. I want to trust him and then my brain says “but what if you’re wrong and he really is lying to you?” But I’m exhausted from the constant paranoia and anxiety over what he’s doing. My logical brain knows I can’t control him and my worrying/anxiety isn’t stopping him from betraying me again and it’s only putting more stress on our marriage. But I’m still terrified of trusting him again only to be wrong and have to experience the hurt of being betrayed again. I don’t want to flinch and get anxious every time his phone goes off or I see him texting on his phone. But I also don’t want to be an ostrich with my head in the sand and oblivious to if something suspicious is going on. I get stuck between these two extremes and it’s exhausting.