How does one feel really loved?
If my partner is a good person, but I’m not feeling very loved by them(or they aren’t showing love the way I tend to be able to easily feel it) what do I do?
I ask this to clear my suddenly confused mind and either reassure myself or grow my understanding of how to increase our capacity to feel loved and create a more loving relationship.
I had an experience recently that lead to me really questioning what I believe and wondering if I am “harming” others by teaching it! I am a relationship coach (not LCS trained) and I recently wrote an article (basically about how we are responsible for creating or own feelings of love, not our partner) and my usual publisher didn’t want to publish it , saying ” [sometimes a woman’s partner’s behavior] (even if it isn’t abusive) is a clear sign that he doesn’t love her as she deserves to be loved. And If she were to take this post to heart I suspect she would end up staying in a situation that is actually quite unhappy for her.”
When I read this I started questioning: am I totally wrong about how to feel loved (and maybe hurting people by teaching what I teach)? OR is the world (she!) resistant to these teachings, because they aren’t used to thinking this way?
Here’s a bit from my article, with main premise: “…love doesn’t come from outside me. It is right here inside me. I can only feel it if I open to it. … This insight led me to see my biggest relationship misconception of all, one that I subscribed to for most of my life, as do many of us: that the other person is my absolute source of love, validation, acceptance, and joy…my sense of lovability depended on someone else always feeling and being loving to me. And when they weren’t showing up in a loving way, when they weren’t expressing love to me, I couldn’t feel valuable or lovable. …It felt like swinging wildly in the metaphoric hands of another person, whom I had no control over. It left me out of control of my internal experience, at the mercy of other’s behavior—with all the resentment and hurt that brings. ….If you relate to this, you know it feels so disempowering. It leaves us totally dependent on others consistently loving us unconditionally, which most people aren’t capable of doing. What I discovered is we won’t ever feel an unbroken sense of love if we don’t learn to access it from within.”
I guess I’m asking: in your opinion, am I right or wrong? Am I harming or helping by teaching this? How can I teach this so it is truly empowering and leads women to have Better more loving marriages, not just keep them trapped in one in which they don’t feel truly loved?