How do you make bad things neutral?

I’m curious how I can makes some things in my life neutral circumstances.

Bad things happened in childhood. Those people are long dead now and I’ve come a long way in healing. That said, I have diagnosed complex PTSD, anxiety and depression. It’s definitely not the sum of my life! I am far more than those diagnoses. I’ve done a lot of work. A lot of therapy, EMDR, and overall I have a good life.

Sometimes, especially certain Anniversary dates are hard. My PTSD flares, anxiety flares. I’m asking myself ahead of time, how do I make that stuff a neutral circumstance?
C – flashbacks (domestic violence in the home, sex abuse, etc)
T – I can’t take this pain again.
F – less than
A – buffer with food, phone games, sleep, art
R – i get through it, the success is pretty variable tho.

C – flashbacks
T – If I was good that wouldn’t have happened (intellectually I know that is not true)
F – worthless
A – heavy buffering
R – takes longer to get through it, might miss work etc

IM ( I’ve had some bit of success with this)
C flashbacks
T – well, look what’s coming up
F curious
A sit with the flashbacks, the feelings, acknowledge the pain and let it pass through
R i don’t fall apart as badly

I can’t imagine the flashbacks ever being neutral.
Thanks in advance.