My main question is how do you work out what it is you are resisting?

Basically, I am currently in a situation about the apartment I am living in. It was my mother’s apartment. I was staying with her, helping her out in her elderly years until her unexpected passing in 2017. I had been living with her for about 6 years at that point. It wasn’t until the June before her passing, that she decided she wanted to put me on the lease or her subsidized apartment “because should anything happen to her, she wanted me to have a place to stay”. Long story short, her adding me to her lease never took place. Now, according to tenant law, I have a case for the “right of succession” contingent upon my showing proof that I had been living there at least 2 years prior to her passing (which I do). However, the landlord doesn’t seem to want to even entertain so that I can have a lease in my own name. I met with an attorney and the cost of retaining him would be $875 and should this go to court (which he said it would most likely happen), it would cost another $3000+ (money I currently do not have).

However, from the moment I moved away from the state I had lived for 20+ years, away from both my daughters and grandchildren, I have wanted to move back. I moved in with my mother, because it was necessary at the time. I’ve established myself in my present location (work, routines, etc.) as well as being near my sister.

Going back to my question…. I have been focusing on my current situation and ways to resolve it, etc. and opening up myself for guidance and inspiration. Then a thought came to me. What if this exact situation is something I manifested because of my deep desire to move back to Virginia? What if I’m not meant to have this apartment under my name? What if this is me being kicked out of the nest (bad analogy I’m sure) and I’m focusing on the wrong thing and resisting the right thing? Moving back to VA has been such a strong desire and dream, but now that I’m faced with it possibly being what all this means, I’m feeling fear. Fear of change because the entire process of moving isn’t one of my favorite things, fear of what it would mean to my sister (it’s been me and her since my mother passed away), fear of stepping into the unknown such as where to find work at my age (53), where to live.

I feel like my thoughts are just zinging all over the place.