How long to feel emotions before changing thought


I am still a newbie (month 2) to scholars and have a question about if my models make sense and allowing vs resisting emotion. The circumstance here is that I’ve had a lot of inaction on my part in regards to my relationship and a lot of stuff got brought up yesterday by my boyfriend which was difficult. In the past this would have been my unintentional models:

C: disagreement with boyfriend
T: he’s acting immature by doing this while I am on vca
F: frustrated
A: text back things to try and gain reassurance from him, be dramatic, not allow time to pass without texting, try to get him to see I am “right” and he is “wrong”
R: I am being immature in my response and I am being in emotional childhood.

Second unintentional model:
C: fight with boyfriend
Th: I don’t know what is going to happen or how this will play out, what if our relationship will be negatively impacted beyond repair
F: fear, lack of control
A: avoid having a serious conversation, buffer with food or send dramatic texts to try to gain reassurance/try to control bf, not taking responsibility for my part in the relationship, believing what happens is dependent on him
R: Not having genuine communication about the issues in our relationship, relationship ultimately not improving or being further damaged

Intentional model
C: disagreement with boyfriend
T: I can’t control this situation, but I can focus on own work and can choose how I want to show up as my best self in this situation.
F: empowered
A: not react, have a serious in person conversation without avoiding or minimizing, own my own responsibility, not try to change bf, not buffer, allow feelings, consider options and how I want to show up
R: being present, creating changes that can actually improve the relationship, honoring myself no matter what happens

Hopefully those models make sense! My question here is in allowing emotions… initially with my unintentional models I felt this sensation of twinging in my stomach and throat which I believe was feeling fear and anxiety. Instead of buffering, I tried to feel where I felt it and breathe and remind myself it was okay to feel it, that it was just a vibration in my body and couldn’t hurt me. I reminded myself it was also caused by my thoughts and that I could change my thoughts later (which I did this intentional model the next morning). My question though is how LONG should we allow ourselves to feel our negative emotion verses at what point do we try to alter the thought to produce a new feeling? How do you know the difference between when to do each? I am not quite certain on that part of this work…if all emotions are caused by thoughts; at what point do we know when to shift the thought, verses feel it as I want to make sure shifting thoughts isn’t resistance. Thank you!