How to be driven by desire instead of fear


Hey!

I have my first 40-min diamond coaching session coming up next week (so fun) and I would like some advice on self-coaching I can do until then.

I have been thinking a lot about fear as a motivator and how powerful it is to get us to do (or not do) stuff. Like “you’ll die if you eat this”, okay I won’t eat it. “You’ll be happy if you don’t eat this” meh, not a very strong motivator.

My specific topic is sex in my relationship. I think my (subconscious) motivator all this time has been to “keep” the relationship, remain safe, secure, and connected to my partner in a physical way just to “make him stay”. But that minimum baseline of how often is often enough keeps moving as the fear decreases (or as I become used to feeling it and my tolerance increases). And him saying he doesn’t really care and he’s happy regardless doesn’t exactly fuel the fear of losing him either (which intellectually I know is a good thing haha).

But HOW in the world do you generate a desire to do something when there’s no risk associated with not doing it? I think this is a recurring problem in my life where I can do anything if I’m driven by some kind of primitive fear of failure, rejection, or pain. But when all my basic needs are met and I’m safe and secure, I lose all motivation to go to the next level.

I, of course, know that desire and motivation are both feelings generated by thoughts… but what can I do to train my desire-muscle to become so strong that it overrides my contentment and laziness? Brooke seems to have such a strong desire and future-focus that can get her to do literally anything just for the sake of being an example of what’s possible. My brain couldn’t care less about being an example. And I just can’t seem to get myself to desire more when there’s no fire under my butt forcing me to.

So… any journaling prompts, questions or guidance would be greatly appreciated!