How to best handle how I show up with my teenage son who makes decisions that I have a lot of thoughts about!


I’m struggling with my model and creating an R that I want when my thoughts are all about my son and his choices. He’s been caught smoking weed on 2 different occasions. Now I found out he’s been taking our car in the middle of the night and driving to his girlfriend’s house and they’ve been sexually active on more than one occasion. He’s 15, she’s 14. He doesn’t even has his driver’s permit yet. He’s a wonderfully sweet boy. But the decisions he makes are reckless and I am not sure how to be the best Mom I can be for him. He says he lies because he knows he’s just going to dig himself a pit and get in trouble if he’s truthful. Brooke coached me on the weed smoking previously and she asked me, do I really want to know what he’s up to? Because if so, he can’t get in trouble if he tells me what he’s doing. I do want to know. I want to know so that I can provide whatever guidance or wisdom I can. But I’m also feel sick inside about all of it. I did some self-coaching on this and I’m really finding myself stuck on my R and what I want it to be. Here’s what I have so far and this is based on what has happened and how I’ve reacted to it.

C. 15 year old son took car without permission in the middle of the night and drove about 3 miles away to visit with his girlfriend on more than one occasion and they have had sex on more than one occasion.
T. He’s making reckless decisions that could have a major impact on his quality of life and doesn’t have the maturity level to see his future consequences.
F. Scared
A. Take his phone – do a thorough search of all his personal stuff, set a boundary around my car (told him if he took it again I would report it stolen).Talk to him about choices, natural consequences of his actions, and ask him how I can do better at creating a safe environment that makes him more comfortable in sharing things with me, and how can I support him more and be a better Mom to him.
R. I’m scared and I feel sick & I don’t feel like he’s any closer to opening up to me.

I’m having trouble tying my R back to my T. All I know for sure is I still feel sick to my stomach and scared. Maybe my work is just to allow that feeling to be there?